What’s that Eminem song? The one that plays in my head sometimes when I’m trying to dig out suitable clothes in the morning.
Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity—Write this down. Write everything down. I’m in New York. I have an address in New York. To seize everything you ever wanted—This is your badge. You use it to get in and out of the building and the floor, and you can load cash onto it for the cafeteria. The city-fear turns into city-anger pretty quickly. Soon, you won’t be overwhelmed. How did I get to 45th? I needed 42nd. She told me she was an intern, once. Isn’t that nice to hear? Excuse me, can you point me in the direction of Madison Avenue? WATCH OUT FOR ONCOMING TRAFFIC. Did I just walk by David Remnick? You only get one shot—Remember: answer the assistant line with the magazine name. Answer the editor line with her name. Write that down. You can only transfer elevators on the fourth and 16th floors. Be sure to get in the right bank, or you’ll get stuck. She likes whole milk in her coffee—a medium amount. Wait, am I heading east or west right now? Write this down: If Jenny calls, that’s his daughter, you should just transfer the call to him without asking. Get to Trader Joe’s before noon on Saturday—don’t even bother after work. Be the “offer to mop the floor girl.” Do not miss your chance to blow—She said Union Square is great because there are so many people you can pay to play chess with. When they go into a meeting in that room, eavesdrop without looking like you’re listening so you can anticipate Google searches they might need you to do. Don’t forget to hold on to your iPhone when you’re getting on and off the subway. Is this dress too casual for work? Do I have to clear the building before I ditch my heels? What else can I do for you? Do you need anything? Can I do more? This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo.
By Lucy Feldman, Brown University, Vanity Fair
Edited by Katie Macdonald, Louisiana State University, Reader's Digest